I believe the most important thing you can say to a woman who is considering adoption is — you have a choice. You always have a choice and I will support you either way.

Over the years, I have found that grief plays a role in every relationship that I have. The fear of abandonment stills rests on my chest if I allow it. I understand that life can change in an instant, and that brings more light and awareness to living in the now.

Do you create a word for each new year?

A word that you focus on for the next 365 days; something that brings you joy or pushes you to become better. I’ve been watching my friends and family share their “Word for 2019” on their social media accounts, and I have been eager to do the same, as I do every year, but nothing was speaking to me.

I was a prisoner to my own mind. When you feel physical or emotional pain, you have space where you go (in your mind) or words that you use to comfort and soothe yourself.

Not a single day has passed, on my adoption journey, where I didn’t feel loved, accepted, and supported by these four people in my life.

It’s been almost a week and I still feel such joy in my heart. I can’t wait to continue to share my story with you all. It is a privilege!

The hole in my heart that took me years to accept is overflowing with JOY! The greatest and purest JOY and LOVE of a mother!

I have spent more years with those strings tied to my limbs than I have been free. I know Grief in his darkest, ugliest moments. Grief seeps its way into every crevice of my life over eighteen years ago. He woke me up at night with terrifying night terrors. He dropped me to my knees in the middle of a parking lot.

Show empathy to those around you, communicate authentically and honestly— as an adoptive parent, birth parent or adoption professional. There is nothing more refreshing than being around others who aren’t afraid to be themselves!

I say a tearful goodbye to who I was and reach down to let go of the last piece of skin dangling at my feet, and watch it fly behind me from my rear view mirror.

I will never be her again.

If you allow it, mindfulness can play a significant role in your adoption journey. Mindfulness is about taking the time to process information and acting with a chosen response. In a world saturated with social media, instant gratification, and knee-jerk reactions we lose the quality of responding thoughtfully. 

I wanted to roll over this morning and feel and find the joy. I wanted so much to make this birthday different, it should be different, but as every moment before this, it’s never what I expect or what I think it should be. The contrasting emotions have been brewing in my chest for a week now, and though this year was a smoother ride than years before, I still find myself begging for relief.

Before delivery, and after I had voiced my decision to place my baby girl for adoption, I had many people openly doubt my choice. They questioned the process, they questioned my motives, they questioned everything, but I was confident in my decision.

Before the new school year started, we sat our children down and went over these seven values. We discussed each one and asked our children if they had any questions about what was written on the chalkboard and why they are important. The one that presented the most questions, to my surprise, was number 5.

Her words pierced through my heart. There was honesty in her statement and resentment that couldn’t be softened by my reply. She was frustrated, upset, and too young to understand the why behind my decision to place her half-sister for adoption.