I Am New

An audible gasp left my lips — as if I had driven through an invisible shield that left me feeling renewed and reborn. The emotions were instant and simultaneous with whatever force I had just passed.

A shocking cry out of relief, laughter, and grief flooded my car. I rolled down the windows and felt layers of my skin racing behind my car with the wind; like a snake shedding its skin. I had outgrown what once was and was entering anew. The bitter wind chilled my skin as it circulated through the windows and sunroof. I hesitantly, yet courageously, let go of what was; what I once was.

As my car left the canyon, a part of me knew I would never be that same person ever again. I cried in fear of what is to come. The change that had been knocking on my door was now welcoming itself in. I cried in the grief of who I was and will never be again.

I am new.

I am new.

I thought about the car driving in front of me — do they know that once I was and now I leave rebuilt? Did they feel the shift? Are they exiting the canyon and feeling as if something has changed within them?

As if, our cars were black driving up the canyon and now as we descend onto flat ground, our cars are pink. Is it as apparent to those here with me today or is it my single shift that what was once dull will now shine? I ponder that as my car winds down the steep canyon pavement. I say a tearful goodbye to who I was and reach down to let go of the last piece of skin dangling at my feet, and watch it fly behind me from my rear view mirror.

I will never be her again.

I am new.