I AM COMPLETE

The early morning light rests gently on my face, my eyelids closed, heavy with contentment. The dew still fresh on the lake’s surface has brought a magical mist to a peaceful new day. I sit alone soaking in the stillness of what is anew.

Nothing feels the same as it did the day before; my skin brighter, my step lighter, my confidence stronger. I open my eyes to the chirping sound of a bird perched on the railing of the deck, and softly whisper, “thank you” in the bird's direction.

The dirt under his fingernails, gripped around my ankles, my wrist, my waist, for eighteen years has seemingly disappeared into the earth below me. The heavyweight of his existence lowered my shoulders to a slouch, but today I sit properly in my new existence.

Everything I touch, everything I say feels foreign rolling off of my new tongue. I do not remember my life without him, Grief, and now here I sit in freedom! Free from the barbed wire fencing that laced its way into every path of my life.

The abundance of love explodes every pore in my body, as she enters through the front door. The excitement and anticipation from those waiting behind me could not be more fitting of my entire adoption journey, they have always been supportively behind me with their loving gestures and words.

The hole in my heart that took me years to accept is overflowing with JOY! The greatest and purest JOY and LOVE of a mother! I heard nothing but the silent pitch of high emotions; it rang true inside all of us. The magic sat in those silent corners reminding me to soak it all in.

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Two stars aligned, with a smile from God, The Universe, Source, whatever higher power that has ever existed, believed to be, or sought after. It, they, we, were all there in a moment too powerful for earthly words to adequately express. No words yet exist for emotions only felt on a realm greater than this.

I wrapped my arms around her familiar body and pulled her into me and allowed the light to flow between us. I have never known such completeness as this! My little butterfly had flown right into my home, to my heart, to our family, to the eyes of those who have loved her from afar. And just like that, with the snap of fingers, Grief disappeared, and I was FULL!

When I looked into her eyes, I saw my eyes. When I heard her laugh, I heard an echo. Watching her smile and laugh in the space that I call home felt nothing less than surreal. She was home, and a part of her is my home, we together as one are home. My door will forever be open to her, to her family, to her parents who have guided her, raised her, loved her to become an amazing, grounded, young lady! No gratitude is large enough to give to them.

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The treasured sound of all of my children, together, laughing and getting to know one another is a gift I never thought I would be gifted. No other gift could be as sweet for a mother. Every decision I have made, every battle I have fought, every goal I have set, was to push myself to become who I am now; a mother I would hope she would want to meet. I feel such pride in her, pride in myself, pride in the journey that at times had me on my knees in agony.

The early morning light rests gently on my face, and I welcome a new Gina, a new life, a new beginning, a new day for I will never be who I was yesterday.

I am complete.