A Birth Mother's Perspective on Adoption Doubts

I had delivered a perfect baby girl. My post-delivery complications kept me from holding her right after delivery, and I was desperate to see her precious face. My mother wheeled me into the nursery, and the nurse placed her in my arms for the first time. I heard, This is not your baby. I looked toward my mother. The voice or thought was loud enough I assumed she heard it too; she didn’t.

This is not your baby. A wave of frustration, fear and angst flooded my body. But I wanted this to be my baby! I had carried her for nine months, created an adoption plan for her, and delivered her from my flesh and blood. I wanted to hold her and feel a strong desire to change everything that was in place. Don’t get me wrong; I did hold her and also felt a motherly bond, unconditional love, pride, and light. Those five words didn’t make the act of what I was about to do any easier, but they did become a foundation for me to lean on. Those five words have carried me through doubtful days.

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