I SEE A THERAPIST!
This is the path I walk to therapy. Every week.
Yes, I go to therapy and I should be able to say that here and in ANY conversation with anyone at any time without shame or judgment!
I am not broken. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not crazy.
Why do I go to therapy? Because I want a better understanding of who I AM. I want tools to help me be a better wife, friend, sister, daughter, mother, human!
Sometimes I watch my feet as I walk this path and wonder what other warriors walked this path today? Who else is fighting for a better sense of self? Who else is breaking the stigma that therapy is for those who are broken?
I push the button that reads my therapist's name (on the side of the wall) and pounce upstairs to wait for her. An hour later I walk out the door, down this same path, and treat myself to a cup of good coffee. Every week.
Nothing about this post should make you feel uncomfortable. Nothing about seeing a therapist should feel shameful or bring embarrassment to myself, to my family, to anyone!
I have yelled out in frustration, cried for the young girl I was, fought through some hard ancestral shit of lies and cultural baggage, beat myself up for being human, craved worthiness for myself, shared stories and secrets I thought would burn my face if I spoke them out loud.
And my therapist listened. Guided. Connected me back to my breath. Fought with me. Cried for me. Encouraged. Believed in me. Reminded me. And retold every lie back to me until it made sense until I made sense.
Who is therapy for? EVERYONE
And if you’re saying to yourself, I can see why “she” goes to therapy like the world has broken me in some way. As if you can see scars that need to be covered up. As if I have a “free pass” because of what I have been through in my life, you are feeding into the stigma- therapy is for the broken!
NEWS FLASH! There is no broken. Broken is the opposite of whole (perfect). And last time I checked no one is “perfect”. There is no broken because we are all “broken” in some way in some form because we are all HUMAN!
Therapy isn’t for the broken you guys-its for ALL OF US!
What I have learned so far:
I am not small. Stop playing small. Stop being small to make those around me feel more comfortable. Be BIG! Play big and big, beautiful things will happen! Lives will change. People will grow-including me. Magic, magic appears when I play BIG!
The story I have told myself for 25 years was a lie! A big FAT lie y’all. It took one conversation to change my view which in return changed my words. Which changed my worth. Which changed my life and will change the lives around me!
I’m terrified of making a mistake. Like chilled to the bone afraid BUT guess what… we all make mistakes! We all fall on our face-that’s life! That’s growth! And I don’t have to defend or justify my actions and decisions to anyone.
Nothing about this was easy, its work, it’s uncomfortable, its humbling and setting my ego aside and the judgment of others was anything but EASY. The first few weeks I was filled with shame. I didn’t want anyone to see my car, see me walk this path, I didn’t want to tell a single soul that I had “given in” to the fact that I HAD to go to therapy. Like it was a defeat, a loss, a failure.
But none of that was true! It wasn’t a defeat and NO ONE was forcing me to go. I made the choice to do the work because I knew it would bring growth and it did!
Yesterday, I walked out of therapy with an approval to not schedule for the following week. At first, I panicked, “wait, what? You don’t want me to come back?” I have the tools I need (I always did). I’m using those tools (but I wasn’t before). I’m letting go of lies and old beliefs about myself. I did the work: The reach inside and stir shit up and see what comes out work!
I don’t know when I will walk this path again. It won’t be next week, but it might be two or a month or a year from now. It doesn’t matter either way. I walked this path! I did the work! And when I walked out I wanted to high five everyone who was walking in…
You are not broken!
You are not crazy!
You are human!
