If you’re placing your child for adoption, there are five things to consider that will help you along the way.
Every adoption story and experience is unique.
There will be good, bad, and ugly in any experience in life, and adoption is no different. Our unique stories and experiences are what guide us through adoption on either side of the triad. What is important to remember, is your adoption story will not look like mine or any birth mom you have talked to before this moment.
Placing your child for adoption can have different plot turns and twists that cannot be predicted or expected. Being a part of the adoption community for over seventeen years now, I have never heard two placement stories that are the same. Each birth mom starts their journey in their unique way. The adoptive couple you pick may be thrilled for open adoption, my placement is semi-open and will stay that way.
Do not expect your placement will mirror that of birth parent stories you have heard before. There will be beautiful and even sacred moments that will change you. There will be heartache and different aspects that you cannot control or change. Your story doesn’t have to look like mine or any other birth mom; it will be your own unique experience.
You will get advice or read articles, similar to this one, some of it will be extremely helpful and some information will feel off track, and that’s okay. Your placement, your adoption story, the birth of your baby, will all be uniquely and entirely yours. Lean on the advice that feels best suited to your situation.
Take responsibility. Let go of what you can’t control.
Your adoption story comes with responsibility. The control that you have now will lay the foundation for the rest of your placement experience. Take the responsibility of making the choices that you want. Not what your family wants, nor what a birth mom suggested, what you want your experience to be. It’s up to you.
The adoptive couple that your friend thinks you should pick may not be the one your heart is leaning toward, be mindful of what you want. Take responsibility for the decisions you are faced with at this moment, and find your unique answers.
There will be unexpected twists and turns. Not everything will turn out the way you planned. You won’t have control over how life plays out post-placement. I wish every child that is placed for adoption would then lead a life of blissful, fairy tale peace, but that’s not the case.
There will be trials, heartache, and lessons that have to be learned the hard way. You can’t control any of it, and if you try, it will only frustrate you more. What you can do is take the responsibility of making the best decisions you can now and let go of the rest.
Pick the adoptive couple you want, knowing you picked them. Create a beautiful space for your delivery and the time you have with your baby. Stay positive and productive post-placement to ensure a wonderful relationship with the adoptive family.
Everything else that comes your way, the blessed good, the bad, the ugly has a purpose. Let go of what you can’t control and take responsibility for what you can.
Write it down.
What are you looking for in an adoptive family? Who do you want in the delivery room? What does post-placement look like to you? Your emotions are on high alert during pregnancy, and when you mix those natural emotions with placing your baby for adoption, it can be difficult to navigate what you genuinely want.
When you are in the space of positivity, and the confirmation that you have received to place your baby for adoption feels sturdy and strong start writing. Start at the beginning, picking a family. What things are you looking for in an adoptive family? What aspects are you willing to overlook and what are you not willing to let go of? Write down what communication looks like after you pick this adoptive couple. How often do you want to talk? What does the first meeting look like to you? Move through the entire placement process until you have written down your unique storyline of how your adoption story will play out.
Coming back to this list as you reach each benchmark will be extremely helpful. Emotions are high, decisions feel heavy, and having everything written down in front of you will help center you. It’s okay to change things as you go. Don’t be afraid to erase and let go of what you can’t control but hold tight to what you feel strongly in your heart.
Your heart and gut will guide you.
There is no better guide than that what you have within yourself. Your heart and that deep burning desire in the pit of your stomach, I call it your gut instinct, knows the answer to everything. Being still enough to hear them both is the key. If you’re saying, “I’m placing my baby for adoption,” then you have felt prompted to do so. You received this guidance and answer from somewhere. And every decision that follows this one is no different.
The best advice I could give you, away from this list of 5 things to know, is to start a daily meditation practice. It doesn’t matter if it’s 3 minutes, 10 minutes or a half hour. Get in the space of stillness where you can hear the answers.
Simple meditation can begin by just being aware of your breath. Counting each exhale 1-10 and then repeat if necessary. While in this space start asking questions. What family should I pick for my baby boy/girl? Then be still. Your heart will tell you, your gut will fill with warmth, and you will know. Prayer is very similar if this is your belief, the answers are confirmed the same, in your heart and gut. Allow them to guide you.
Congratulations, you made the choice to bring a beautiful soul to this earth and that is courageous.
You are now making the choice to share the greatest gift we as humans could give each other, love. This innocent, perfect human that grows inside of you will bring unconditional love not only to you but to the family you will now bless.
Not everyone will agree with you. You might lose friends, family, and loved ones for the choices you are about to make. Don’t feel ashamed. Don’t shy away from the answers you received in your heart and felt in your gut. Not everyone has to agree with you to make this the right decision for you and your baby. Be respectful but be firm in your decision.
The more responsible you are, the more confident you are in what you are doing, people will notice that energy and they will support you. You will not feel secure about your decision in every moment, you will question it, go back to what you wrote down, remember that feeling in your gut. Rely on your meditation or prayer for peaceful confirmation.
Be proud of your decision.
Be proud of who you are.
Be proud to be a birth mother.
Original article posted here with Adoptionlife.org