One year ago today I suffered a severe concussion. Ironically enough I posted this picture one day before my accident, with this caption below it.
“2016 I’m not going to fear opportunities… I’m setting high goals, expecting unrealistic adventures, and living every moment to the fullest. I will not create limitations on myself, on what I think I can and cannot do. The strength is in me and I can be and do whatever I wish. Here’s to 2016, reaching high!”
I had no idea I was about to start a year full of limitations! The irony in it makes me both laugh and cry. But to shed some light on my post and to help old wounds heal themselves, I’m going to break .
I spent the first three months of the year with more limitations then I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’d like to say it taught me patience, that time heals all wounds, but my honest answer… it taught me to tread water.
Tread water; maintain an upright position in deep water.
It wasn’t easy, I felt tired all of the time, I felt incapable, and many days I didn’t believe my body would survive the waves. I cried all of the time, just trying to keep my chin above that deep water. All the while feeling like my body was no longer mine. Everything felt foreign.
“I will not create limitations on myself, on what I think I can and cannot do.” I never thought would make it. I said, “I can’t do this,” more than a million times. Many days I thought those deep waters would suck me under and I’d never see the shoreline again. But it didn’t and I kept treading water.
“The strength is in me and I can be and do whatever I wish.” I’ve never had to tap into my strength like I had to this past year. I never knew that type of strength existed within me. Though I had many other things in mind to what I wished to be in 2016, I’d say I conquered the strength part.
Strength; the quality or state of being strong, in particular.
Now let’s be real. I didn’t go into each day with a coat of armor on and a positive mind. I didn’t hold my sword above my head after each victory and exude what we all picture to be “strength.” Instead, I scratched, I begged, I pleaded, and I crawled. I dragged my body across the floor while bouncing my chin on the pavement, in each aspirated moment. It wasn’t pretty. I didn’t stand at the podium, above 1st place, and hold my head high. Instead, I gathered what little I had left of “me” and I crossed the finish line scared, bruised, changed, beaten, and ready for what’s next.
“Reaching high.” I didn’t hike to the highest peak in 2016. I didn’t reach some of the goals I had originally set out to accomplish. I didn’t win a race, hit a home run, and I can’t even say I was a good mother, sister, friend or wife this year.
Reaching High; or upward; hence, ambitious; aspiring
However, everything is relative. My “high” became those hard to reach inches above the deep water. And though I had envisioned something much higher, I can’t say I didn’t reach high in 2016. Treading those deep waters and using my strength to reach a new high, in spite of my limitations, is exactly what I did!
This year has taught me more than I can even comprehend right now, and every time I sit down to share it with you all, I learn more. I grow more. I hope you will continue to read along as I learn, grow, fail, succeed, and hopefully inspire you!
Here’s to 2017, where I am asking to be vulnerable to learn, peaceful so I may hear, honest so I may teach, and a bit stronger so I can cross that finish line with a little more grace.